How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Have you ever scrolled on Instagram and thought ‘everyone is overseas and having way more fun than me,’ or asked yourself questions like ‘why is she so much prettier than me?’ or ‘why don’t I have as many friends as him?’

Comparing ourselves to others is normal and a big focus for young people. According to ‘Social Comparison Theory’ (Festinger, 1954) evaluating how  we measure up to others, can help to form our identities and it can help to motivate us to be better and check if we are ‘on track’ in our lives.

But, being bombarded with photos and videos of friends having new adventures, new relationships, new jobs and wearing new outfits can also cause us to feel inadequate and dissatisfied. Social media has made comparison a lot more prevalent and young people are especially vulnerable; it’s in our faces constantly reminding us ‘what we don’t have.’ This can negatively impact self-esteem, self-image and overall wellbeing.

So what can young people do, to stop measuring their self-worth against others?

1.      Become aware of what prompts comparison

Before we can make changes we need to become aware of when and where we compare ourselves to others. Start to notice when you feel inadequate. Is it when you are on social media? Or with a particular person or group? Or at a particular location; when you are by yourself in your room for a long time? Avoid spending a lot of time with these people or in these places or notice when feelings come up and change your thought patterns.

2.      Unplug

Young people have been comparing themselves to each other long before social media came along but the constant stream of tik tok and snap chat videos make it harder than ever to avoid. According to a recent study, our envy increases the more time we spend on social media which leads to a higher risk of depression. Stay aware of your social media use and give yourself time limits and put your phone out of reach at certain times of the day.

3.      Practise gratitude

Practise gratitude by focusing on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Create a ‘gratitude ritual’ when you have your morning coffee and ask yourself ‘what am I grateful for today?’ or before you go to sleep at night ask yourself ‘what was the best part of my day?’

4.      Focus on your strengths

If you start comparing yourself to others, remind yourself of your strengths and how you use them to make a positive difference. If you don’t know your strengths take this free VIA survey.

5.      Celebrate other’s success

I know this can be hard sometimes but the next time you start feeling bad because one of your friends just got a new boyfriend, or aced his exam or scored a great job, instead of turning inward and judging yourself, turn outward and do an act of kindness for that person. Take them for a coffee to celebrate or write them a nice text. Acts of kindness lift our mood into a more positive caring state.

6.      ‘It’s you against you’

In the movie ‘Hustle,’ Adam Sandler, who plays a basket ball coach keeps telling his player ‘Bo Cruz’ ‘It’s you against you, out there.’ When you start making comparisons, try to compare yourself today to yourself a few months or years ago. What have you achieved? How have you grown? What have you learned? Celebrate how far you have come and remind yourself that there are more achievements in your life to come.

Final thoughts

Remember, social comparison is normal so don’t beat yourself up for doing it. Just become more aware of when you start to go down the ‘self comparison rabbit hole’ and break the cycle. Instead of focusing on everyone else’s life, focus on getting more involved in your life.  Spend time in nature, hang out with friends who make you feel good, move your body and do stuff you love, whether it’s playing an instrument, painting or fixing things. At the end of the day, you are running your own race so stay in your lane and keep your eyes ahead rather than looking sideways.

If you would like more practical coaching tips on self comparison, get in touch.