Transition to University or Work: How parents can support their child by responding to their good news

Written By Adele Johnston – Positive Change Coach

While your children will undoubtedly struggle to adapt to life beyond school at first, a lot of new and exciting opportunities are going to occur for your son or daughter when they begin university or work.

They might go on their first overseas holiday, they might get their driver’s license, pass their first exam, fall in love, learn to navigate public transport, score a part time job etc.  

How are you going to help them celebrate their big and small wins?

Four ways we can respond to good news

According to Shelly Gable and her team of researchers (2010), people respond to good news in one of four ways:

1. Conversation Killer (Passive, Constructive)

•       Little or no active emotional expression

•       Not really listening

2. The Conversation Hijacker (Passive, Destructive)

•       Ignoring your news

•       No eye contact

•       No acknowledgement

•       Turning away

•       Leaving the room

•       Changing conversation to another topic or make it about them.

3. Joy Thief (Active, Destructive)

·         Displays negative emotions

·         No smiling

4. Joy Multiplier

·         Displays positive emotions

·         Lots of eye contact

·         Smiling

·         Hugging

·         Hand shaking

·         Laughing

·         Asking questions

Why does ACR work?

According to Gable (2010) Active Constructive Responding (ACR) works because…

  • It helps you to build closer relationships with others because it magnifies and elongates the positive emotions associated with the good news event.

  • It allows the person to re-live the event and savour the positive feelings again.

  • ACR not only shows that you understand and care about the good news but also that you understand and care about the relationship you have with your son and daughter.

When your son or daughter (or anyone else) picks you to share their good news with, that’s a gift, so make it count.

Adele Johnston – Positive Change Coach

Adele Johnston is an experienced Positive Psychology Coach based in Brisbane & the Gold Coast, Australia. She helps young people in high school, university or early career to get clearer about where they want to go and action positive change using evidence-based and future-focused tools and strategies.

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