6 Questions Parents & Teachers can ask Young People to Encourage them to Open Up

Many young people are convinced that their parents or teachers ‘just don’t understand’ them. We are often too quick to give advice, instead of validating and seeking to understand their feelings.

To avoid your teen or student shutting down and creating resistance, it’s important to try and acknowledge their feelings. Check out this article for some practical tips on how to do this.

But, what if you don’t agree with how your teen or student sees something? You might think they are being completely irrational. If you tell them that they are being irrational or disregard their feelings by saying ‘everything will be alright,’ this might cause them to push back or withdraw and be less likely to confide in you, in the future. Often people struggle to find a path forward until they feel heard and understood.

Here are 6 questions you can ask your teen or student to try and understand where they are coming from.

1.     What about this situation did you find unfair?

This helps them get specific and clarify their thoughts

2.     Why do you think that is?

This helps them to consider the viewpoints and opinions of the other person. What led them to this assumption? Why do they believe it’s true?

3.     What was your intention?

What outcome were they expecting? What was their initial plan? Did they drift from this?

4.     How do you know this to be true?

This helps to challenge beliefs and assumptions. As well as confirming the accuracy of the other person’s claims, this question seeks to understand how they reached their conclusion.

5.     Do you feel that this is right?

This establishes if something is ethical or determines genuineness. It helps them to examine the conclusions they have drawn.

6.     What sort of impact do you think this will have?

This question helps them to make a prediction. How will this situation affect others? Will the outcome have negative or positive consequences?

If you want some more practical coaching strategies for supporting your teen or students, feel free to get in touch.